what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
