For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize