I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
