NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
