thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
