Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
