I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
is it fun? or sober?
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