I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
