I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
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