watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
