Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
