Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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