This girl is more easily done than said...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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