oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
