I just saw a hot homeless man
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My ass is underappreciated
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
