I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
