i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
