Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
