She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
