I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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