I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
