im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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