I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just found puke in my bra..
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
