I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
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Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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