Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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