Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
