So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
