Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
