i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
All the doctor said was why
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
