okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
