WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
