Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
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It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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