Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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