Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
