Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
