I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
