you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
