some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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