Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
