If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
