at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
