apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Randomize
