A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
