Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
