So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
