Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
