i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
