OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
