Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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