Who wears a wallet chain?!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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