Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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