ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want nice things and good sex
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
