My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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