What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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