my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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