ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
