For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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