He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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